rather than bitch.. i present to you: radiohead therapy

That there
That's not me
I go
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

how to disappear completely - kid a

and

Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea
I got a message I can't read,
Another message I can't read
Being the first in the Irish Sea,
I got a message I can't read,
Another message I can't read
I'm on your side
Nowhere to hide
Trapdoors that open
I spiral down
You're living in a fantasy world,
You're living in a fantasy world.
I'm lost at sea,
Don't bother me
I've lost my way,
I've lost my way
You're living in a fantasy world,
You're living in a fantasy world,
You're living in a fantasy world...
The most beautiful world
Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea
I got a message I can't read
Another message I can't read

in limbo - kid a
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oh radiohead, how i love thee...
this is therapy enough for today.
if you're able, listen to these songs on your ipod (or whatever device you use) immediately, if not sooner.
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random fact: i am a musically visual person
(i'm not really sure what that means, if you get where i'm going and have a better definition, please share)
hence: my love for these two, especially
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all right - i'll allow myself a minimal amount of bitching.
anxiety and panic are not my friends, especially in the morning when they invite weird obsessive behaviors that cause even more anxiety mixed in with a little self loathing.
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last night something inside switched on (or off) and i found myself holding my wine glass in such a way that i realized i might end up with bloody glass ridden hands if i didn't let up on my grasp. i soon went to bed... and while i normally pass out into a dead-like sleep within a half hour, i instead laid there, staring up, trying to ignore the banners of thought passing over my open eyes. i wasn't successful, and instead of banners, tears ran. (silently, at the very least)
this morning i woke up and felt a rock in the pit of my belly. i sighed a big sigh and started to get ready. i panicked when the old obsessive behaviors kicked in.... normally the re-doing of makeup a billion times and being unable to choose something to wear (simple tasks, i know) would cause me to go back to bed immediately, as i know the rest of my day will follow suit. instead, i got ready, went to work, and sat around uselessly rather than getting any work done. oh yes, and i'm still in the process of doing so. great. tomorrow will be better.