scared

today has been a good day. didn't quite realize how hard it was snowing when leaving for work. my car slid all over the place, and when it came time to turn up 800 South, i panicked, turned around, rolled down my window, and yelled "i'm scared!!" to brett, whose car was also slipping... (time for new tires) ...after careful consideration we dropped off his car, i switched seats, and he navigated my car up 400 South to the VARO with no problem. WHEW! I HATE DRIVING IN THE SNOW!!!! it is beautiful though, and you have to appreciate that.

we had an "impromptu" team meeting an hour ago. as we began to file out of the hearing room, a good friend and co-worker (obviously, i guess) just passed out of his chair... luckily another guy caught him so he didn't hit his head too hard. i know this guy has many health problems, and i was SCARED. "call 911... did anybody call 911 yet?!" "go get the defib, NOW." "where's linda, somebody get linda!"

it scared the shit out of me. i've never seen someone i have a direct connection with just go down on the ground with people surrounding him, unsure of what to do... he was in and out of consciousness... somehow i feel like we should have known it was coming... he was so out of it during the meeting... so... unresponsive, even when asked direct questions. fire trucks and an ambulance showed up. he's probably at the U hospital now. i hope he's ok.

i power walked to brett's desk, tears running... shit, i still feel traumatized. we sat and talked until i chilled out. maybe i'm making it bigger than it really is, but i felt a different kind of panic that i've never felt before, ironically, as i'm best friends with panic.

on an unrelated (?) note... now i have experienced feelings my dad has felt a couple times, in relation to myself. code blue times two.

i hope he's ok....