friday night fun

i feel fucking heavy. it's been a long, emotionally draining week. i decided to take a load off tonight. it hasn't really gone as planned. i am... insecure, indignant, tired. not the best combo. but!!!!!! at least i feel like writing, which has eluded me for too long.


and... it's gone.

i've lost my medium.

drunk? a little.

disappointed? very. (i feel is should clarify and declare "disappointed in myself!!!!!"... alas, it's just not that easy.)

10:41pm on a friday night... and I just can't make sense of it all.

generally speaking, i am hypersensitive in many aspects. if anything, i like to think i'm aware. it sounds dramatic, but when i feel, i'm overwhelmed, and i am affected, no matter how hypervigilant and "self aware".

i'm aware of the drama i've caused myself in the past. too much. i've cut out the negative, and have surrounded myself with love and support.

i used to not be able to trust myself... self destructive behaviors, whatever.

i've come a long way.

and it doesn't matter.