officially...

...the laptop has pretty much died, or is on its last leg of its deathbed. hopefully we can find something reasonably priced pretty soon.

i'm going to write this down so i don't forget: i've been on a major upswing, i'm surprised at the rate in which i've regained stability. having said that, i shouldn't get so upset with myself when i'm having a hard couple of days. it happens and probably always will, cause that's the kinda girl i am. in time i think i'll have a really decent grasp on my anxiety. it's going to take a LOT of practice.. well, i'll probably always have to practice, but that's ok. it's worth it. there is no such thing as a miracle drug cocktail.. and while the cocktail truly does help, i'm really trying to be diligent in learning to re-route my way of thinking. meditation, awareness of thoughts-feelings-actions. i've read a very simple and short book which has been a good guide for myself, "a beginner", if you will, called "Peace Is Every Step"... i still have another book to read which i believe will probably help tremendously if i take the practices seriously. i'm confident i can do it this time. i'm glad i had the guts to see a new doc, to get a second opinion, and to receive different direction.

we all go through our own peaks and valleys. i believe it reminds us of who we are in every sense. simply being aware makes such a difference. awareness=action. i don't think i've ever played such a huge role in reference to issues that have plagued my whole life, and more recent issues that have affected my life more than i'd like to admit. it's empowering to know that i am in charge, if i so choose.

i'm damn proud of myself for staying positive, for not letting a couple crappy days drag me down. i know i have the ability to make things easier for myself.

positives:
-i have an incredibly understanding husband who totally supports me and is more patient than i could ever be
-i love my family
-my mother is amazing and i don't know what i'd do without her
-i have a good job that is challenging and that i'm proud to be a part of
-i have wonderful friends, truly
-a house within the next year is absolutely feasible
-i'm excited to see what the rest of 2009 will bring
-i'm sure there are many more positives, but i don't know if i could spend all day listing each and every thing since i'm supposed to be working as i type this.
-life IS good